Apologizing is one of the hardest things we have to do. Whether it be for small offenses or life-altering mistakes, we all know how hard it is to apologize when we have done something wrong. Sometimes, it’s because we have a hard time admitting that we’ve done something wrong. Other times, we’re afraid that our apology won’t be accepted and the relationship will be stranded. Many of us have experienced the devastation of apologizing, only for that apology to fall on deaf ears and be ignored, even though you apologized the best way you know how. It makes us ask the question: what is the best to apologize to someone I’ve offended?

​In the book The Five Apology Languages, authors Gary Chapman and Jennifer Thomas help their readers understand the nature of apologies and forgiveness by breaking down what they call the “five languages of apology”. In a similar way that Gary Chapman explains the five languages of love in his best-selling book series, this author duo brings awareness to the fact that there are several different ways that someone apologizes. These five apology languages are expressing regret, accepting responsibility, making restitution, planned change, and requesting forgiveness. Through an engaging and easy-to-understand presentation, Chapman and Thomas help us see that understanding your apology languages as well as the apology languages of your loved ones will change the dynamic of practically every relationship in your life. Using many biblical principles, his exploration of apology and forgiveness is revolutionary and timely. Including a quiz to help you determine your apology languages as well as tools to help you determine your loved ones’ languages, this is a tool that everyone young and old needs to have at their disposal.

My only criticism of the book is the contents of chapter 11, in which the authors encourage the idea of self-forgiveness. I strongly disagree with this idea. This is because I believe that when a Christian is unable to forgive themselves, they are basically saying that they messed up so bad that they can’t accept Christ’s forgiveness. That is a lie that Satan desperately wants us to believe. Instead of addressing apologies to yourself, you need to address them to God and then fully believe that He has forgiven you. While spending a whole chapter talking about apologizing to yourself, they spend hardly any time discussing apologizing to God when we’ve sinned against Him. I understand that they presented this idea from the perspective of counselors, but to me, this idea is not grounded in good theology.

Aside from my disagreements about self-forgiveness, I still think this is a great book and would recommend it to practically anyone. Get your copy today!

* I received a copy of this book from the publisher for the purpose of this review

If you want to read my review of Gary Chapman's book, The 5 Love Languages (Singles Edition), click here

To read reviews of some other book on the topic of forgiveness, click here

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Forgiveness is one of the hardest things Christians are called to do in the Scriptures, especially when they have been hurt deeply by the actions of others. We are well aware of the Scripture’s call to forgive, but we can’t let go of what happened to us. Relationships are destroyed, bitter words are exchanged, and the pain afterwards refuses to let us move on. It often feels like forgiving is letting our offender off the hook, so we are holding ourselves captive to our pain, all while thinking that we are holding our offenders responsible. This leads to a vicious cycle that seems like it will never end. It makes us ask the question: how can I learn to forgive what I can’t forget?
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In her book Forgiving What You Can’t Forget, Lysa Terkeurst takes her readers on a journey toward discovering how they can let go of the pain of what others have done to them and learn how to forgive. While not diminishing the pain and suffering they have been through, Lysa walks through many facets of forgiveness, bitterness, and the pain caused by conflicts with others. Instead of offering platitudes of instant solutions, she instead offers hope that with time, diligence, and support, you can make peace with the past and live life again. Speaking with honesty and vulnerability from the pain of her husband having an affair, Lysa shares her personal journey of her husband having an affair, sharing it in a way that makes it relatable, regardless of what you may need to forgive. If you have ever struggled with forgiveness, this is a book you need to read. Get your copy today!

Forgive is a difficult word in our culture today. When we are offended, it is our nature tendency to become anger and bitter, wanting vengeance toward those that hurt us. We desire for those that hurt us to get their comeuppance. All the while, we often in this process take on the tracts that we hate in the person that hurt us and push us further and further from the Lord and the life He has planned for us. Although we want for them to pay for what they did, we are the ones that are held prisoners by our own anger and bitterness. When we are told we need to forgive, so many of us can’t even comprehend it, let alone take the necessary steps to forgive them. It makes us ask the question: How do I learn to forgive those that have hurt me when I have been so deeply hurt?

​In her book, Choosing Forgiveness, Nancy DeMoss Wolgemuth [published under her maiden name, Nancy Leigh DeMoss] helps her readers break free from the pain and bitterness from those that hurt us by revealing that forgiveness is a choice, not a feeling. After helping her audience to see the consequences when we don’t forgive, Nancy walks us through the many facets of forgiveness through the lens of God’s Word, helping us to see what forgiveness is and what it isn’t. We are reminded that there is no magic words or secret formula to make it easy or automatic, but there are biblical principles that will allow us to find freedom and healing from the pain that comes from bitterness. Through examples in Scriptures as well as illustrations of real life people who experienced the healing power of forgiveness, you will be encouraged, challenged, and inspired to break the chains of holding on to anger or resentment. This book is powerful from cover to cover, theologically packed with truth, and a tool that every Christian should have in their library. Get your copy today!