​[If you haven’t read my previous post {Running Toward the Roar}, please do before reading this one. Thanks]

I couldn’t believe it. I had just gotten off the phone with the senior minister of Rise Church, a new church that just launched in October 2018. After having talked about possibly joining their ministry team, we both agreed that we would proceed with me starting in January on a volunteer basis for 3 months, since I would be launching the youth group from the ground up. If everything goes well, then I will formally join their staff for the remainder of the year and the church will help me raise support for my salary. ​I was (and still am) in shock. If a year ago you had told me that I would be offered a ministry position a year later, I probably would not have believed you. And if you had told me that this position would be in student ministry, I probably would have laughed. If you had told me just after my dad lost his job that I would be where I am today, I would have believed it was impossible. But as I look back, I have been amazed to see how far God has brought me over this last year. I believe all of the good things that have happened over this last year are a direct result of my decision to face the painful situations head on instead of hiding from them. So today, I want to share about more things that God has done in my life because I learned to “run toward the roar.”

​Needless to say, finishing out my ministry with Focus was bittersweet. I had poured so much of my life and my heart into those kids. I faced one of the most difficult meetings of my life because I cared about them so much. My partnership with Todd had been life-changing. But I still knew it was time to begin the process of moving on. They gave me a wonderful send-off my last Sunday with many heartfelt thank you’s from students, parents, and from Todd. Then, we had a lock-in as my last event. Just like that, it all was over and I was left with all my emotions and all my dreams without knowing how to pursue them. This made the summer a long and difficult season emotionally. I was unsure of what I would do for move toward my youth ministry career, or where I should even go to church. The only normal thing I had during this period was my part time retail job. I applied for a few ministry jobs and a few residency programs, but to no avail. It was hard to know where to go next.

But then I remembered I was interested in trying out Parkview Christian Church. Since Parkview originated from the church where my dad grew up, I was generally familiar with it. But it was big. Really big. Like multiple campuses big. It was the type or size of church I was ever used to. But I remember thinking that this kind of church with a thriving youth ministry was a great place to build up my resume and gain valuable experience. After making a few contacts, I was directed to the student campus pastor at the campus closest to my hometown. When I told Aaron my story, he said that he not only wanted me on his team, but he also thought I could be a fit for Parkview’s residency program. So I joined JHM (Junior High Ministry) as a 6th grade girls small group leader.

​Jumping into JHM was a lot, considering where I’ve come from. Going from a youth group of a dozen kids with Jr/Sr High students combined to a youth group of 100 Jr. High students with a small group of 12 girls, was a big leap. But it was a fun environment to learn about youth ministry. We had a few special events that I enjoyed helping with, including the Fall Retreat at a camp in Michigan. But all the while, I had my hopes set on getting this residency at Parkview. I finally got my interview scheduled in November and I was so excited.  When I got a polite no a week later, I was devastated. I had a hard time understanding why God led me to Parkview if it wasn’t going to lead to a ministry opportunity. I also felt that this meant God was closing the door on my time at Parkview. It was difficult for me to figure out where to go next.

​But then, I remembered a conversation I previously had with Matt from Rise Church. This church had originally approached my dad about being involved in their launch. My dad politely declined. But we had some friends that joined the launch team and invited us to a pre-launch event. During this event, I met Matt and he asked me about what I was doing work and ministry wise. I explained how I got involved with Parkview and was hoping to get into their residency program. Matt told me that if that didn’t work out to let him know. He said there might be able to work out a residency for me at Rise. I didn’t think too much of it at first since I had my sights set on Parkview. But when I finally got a no, I thought it would be good to at least discuss what this opportunity at Rise would look like. When we finally sat down to talk about it, I learned that they really wanted me to come onto the team to launch the youth group from the ground up, with only a few kids. I was so excited. {Note: please read the addition at the end of this post}

However, I also recognize that my time at Parkview was not a waste. It’s true that the environment was bigger and more mainstreamed than I was used to, but I did learn a lot of good things from my involvement in that ministry. It was awesome to observe how important it is to have a solid volunteer base in a ministry that large, which Aaron definitely has. I also loved serving with a large group of people that all had a heart for Jr. High students. Sometimes, the bigger ministry had more strict rules that restricted the type of relational youth ministry I was used to. It was a struggle for me to build deeper relationships with my small group girls at times because of those restrictions, even though I did understand why they were necessary in a ministry of this size. But other times, this ministry allowed for opportunity for greater experiences, like the Paint Wars Fall Kick-Off or Fall Retreat. Through it all, I’ve observed things I want to do in my ministry and things I don’t want to do, which is something that any minister or devoted volunteer should be striving for. I am grateful for my time at Parkview and all the friends I made there, but I now see that my involvement in that ministry was only ever meant to be a stepping stone or a check point along my greater ministry journey. God had something else in mind for me, but I am glad that I followed His leading to Parkview for a season. The  experiences I had there will hopefully shape the youth minister I will become.

​My struggles with the numbers on the scale has been a source of insecurity for me, as is true for many young women. Even with weight loss, I struggle with feeling like talking about it is a form of vanity. I also spent much of my adult life struggling with how overweight I was. But in this case, I feel that it’s important share this story to illustrate the journey that God has led me on. There have been many stressful seasons of my life when food was one of my only escapes, but God helped me to change that through everything I've faced this year. In March, I had a molar become sensitive. Since I am on Medicaid, I went to the closest dentist that took my card. He told me that I had several cavities and that he could fill some of them, but said that it probably wouldn’t fix the pain and that I just had sensitivity problems and needed to switch toothpaste. After doing a poor job on my fillings, I canceled my second appointment. Toward the end of April, I got an intestinal bug that lasted 5 days. Two weeks later, the sensitivity came back in the exact same tooth. I knew that if I went back, they would just tell me the exact same things they did last time, so I tried every trick in the book to make it go away. But in the end, I knew I just I had to give it time to heal. This ended up limiting my diet for several months.

Meanwhile, I had a couple of people ask me if I had lost weight. At first, I didn’t realize I had and didn’t think too much of it. But when I finally stepped on the scale around the end of March, I had lost 15lbs. By May, it was 25lbs. By July, it was 50lbs. By the end of September, it was total of 60lbs I’d lost in 6 months! Both sets of photos here were taken about a year apart from each other. Back then, I honestly struggled with believing that I was not capable of the losing the weight I needed in order to be healthier. Now I believe that God used the difficult circumstances of my life to help prepare me physically for the ministry opportunities ahead of me. Food was too important to me and I needed to learn how to trust God through the difficult circumstances of my life rather than eat my way out of them. That's a hard thing to admit, but I am grateful to recognize that that what it is now. There are days when it’s hard for me to look at these pictures and look at the toll my eating habits were taking on my body. But in those moment, I’ve learn to remind myself that my value should never be determined by anything I can do to myself or for myself. My value was defined at the foot of the cross, no matter what the numbers on the scale tell me. The same is true for you too.

​At the beginning of 2018, I rebranded my blog and my YouTube and was so excited for all the things I wanted to do for the year. I reviewed 4 books in January alone. But when my dad lost his job at the end of January, I thought it would be so hard to motivate myself to continue to pursue my hobbies of writing and video making. I did eventually make the choice to take a break from YouTube for a while. But I also decided that I wouldn’t give up on my reviews. I originally set the goal of writing 25 book reviews (which would have averaged 2 reviews a month) and at least 2 non-review posts before the end of the year. The final total was 18 reviews and this post makes 3 non-review posts. It’s true that I didn’t fully meet my goal. But considering everything I faced over the course of this year, I know that what I did finish was a significant accomplishment. I did break my previous record of 13 reviews in a year, I now have a total of 40 published book reviews on my blog, and I did succeed at writing more lengthy posts than I have in a few years. In that way, I don’t consider it a loss. It just helps me set the bar higher for next year. Just because we face difficult circumstances doesn’t mean we have to give up on our goals. I hope you don’t.

​Consistent fellowship has been a difficult thing to cultivate in this season of my life. Especially during the summer when I was struggling with what church to attend. Many of my friends in the area were busy during the summer and I didn’t have much of a chance to see them. This has been such an important reminder of how important fellowship and community is to the Christian life. But through this season, I continue to learn and grow through my friendship with Todd. Our friendship didn’t stop once our ministry partnership ended. If anything, it’s gotten stronger. It’s true that it’s hard for us to find time to see each other considering the nature of his work schedule. But the phone and text conversations have continued on a pretty consistent basis. Especially as I was pursuing my calling into youth ministry, Todd was the one that helped me stay on track, even when I wanted to give up. He shared my joy when it looked like doors opened and he shared my pain when it “didn’t work out like we hoped”. His continuous efforts to make time for me with his limited schedule continues to demonstrate how much he cares about me and my well-being. And as he’s gone above and beyond to be there for me, I’ve found that I want be there for him when he had needed it. His heart of kindness and compassion towards me has also changed my heart toward him. This dynamic in our friendship has actually opened my eyes to a truth from one of my favorite verses of the Bible. 

​Romans 12:10 (NIV84) says “Be devoted to one another in brother love. Honor one another above yourselves.” In truth, “Be devoted” is kind of a weak translation. There are two different Greek words for love in this verse: phila and storgos. Phila is brotherly love and storgos is affection. What’s really interesting about this verse is that this is the only place in the Bible that these two words are made into a compound word, philastorgos, which conveys the idea of brotherly affection. A better translation of this verse would be “Have brotherly affection for one another in brotherly love. Outdo one another in showing honor to each other.” (My paraphrase) This paints a picture of what a friendship founded in Christ is supposed to look like, iron sharping iron by showing love and honor to each other that builds on itself. This love and honor transcends the differences between us, like the 20-year age gap, our genders, or our opposite personalities. In fact, it helps bridge those gaps to make our fellowship all the more genuine. And that’s the way it was meant to be. I’ve always loved the point that this verse made, but had never experienced it in this way until Todd and I became close. I now believe that this verse epitomizes our friendship. I now know that my understanding of these truths will play into all other friendships and relationships I have in the future. I hope it does for you too.

I serve a God who makes something more beautiful out of the broken pieces than the whole ones. Although they are still uncertainties about the future, I can’t believe how far God has brought me over this last year. This has made me think of a song from one of my favorite film musicals, The Greatest Showman. The song From Now On is one of my favorites, but my favorite part of the song is sung so low, it’s almost hard to hear:

I saw the sun behind to dim and felt the winter wind blow cold
A man learns who is there for him when the glitter fades and the walls won’t hold
From that rumble what remains can only be what’s true
If all was lost, there’s more I gained, ‘cause it led me back to you

The more I think about it, the more I find myself identifying with Hugh Jackman’s character. In this moment, he realized he’d lost his focus on what was important, and he needed to reprioritize his life, focusing first on his immediate family and then on his circus family. But it took him basically losing everything for him to realize what he already had. In other words, he had lose everything in order to gain back what was more important. This has been so true of my own life. Not only did I gain a renewed ministry focus that resulted in an awesome ministry opportunity, but it helped me come back to a friendship I already had, but didn’t realize I needed and has now changed my life by helping me heal and maturing me into the woman God wants me to be. If I had to lose everything in order to gain those things, then it was worth it. I believe that this is one of many reasons that we all need to learn what it means to “run toward the roar.” It can be one of many ways that God will redeem our broken story.

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01/12/19

When I was first offered this opportunity with Rise Church, I was so excited and thought this opportunity was tailor-made for me. But I didn't realize what would be necessary for a church that young to launch a youth ministry. After a few difficult discussions, it became clear that the timing for myself and for Rise wasn't right for a youth group launch. I now realize that I would not be able to keep up with the ministry commitments necessary to launch a ministry while trying to find the sustainable employment necessary to make it work financially. I am still grateful that Matt was willing to invest in me, but it became clear that the time and place were just not right for any of us. So I officially had to tell Matt that I would be passing on this opportunity.

Walking away from this opportunity has been hard, but I have already grown from it. I know that if I am walking forward in faith, the Lord will provide what I need, both for my employment and for my ministry needs. I also believe that walking away from this opportunity doesn't change the fact that by only 10 months after this life-changing event, I already had an interview for one ministry position that I didn't get (the residency with Parkview) and an offer from another church that I had to decline (Rise Church). I still consider both of these events to be indicators of how far God has brought me over this last year. If God brought this opportunities to the light, He will bring others, as long as I continue to "run toward the roar." If you want to see how He does, please consider signing up to be a prayer partner below.

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Are you interested in supporting me on my ministry journey? Then consider joining my list of prayer partners. Sign up to receive emails and/or to join the Facebook group

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​No matter where we go in this life, we are more than sure to be met with disappointments. That’s part of living in this world. Some of these disappointments are minor, while many of them are earth-shattering, causing so much pain and suffering in their wake. All too many of us find ourselves crippled by our circumstances, especially when difficulties hit us unexpectedly. So many of us get to the point of questioning God’s goodness or desiring to turn our backs on Him. This can make us feel trapped like there’s no way out. It makes us ask the question: how can I handle the major disappointments I am sure to face in this life?

​In her newest book, It’s Not Supposed to Be This Way, Lysa Terkeurst walks us through how we can turn to the Lord to find strength and courage when life throws unexpected disappointments at us. This topic is very relevant to Lysa, who in only a few years’ time has dealt with marital strife and two major health issues than inevitably required surgery. With her own fair share of hardships, Lysa admits that facing these disappointments is hard, and sometimes feels impossible to overcome. But she directs us to the Lord and His Word to helps us find strength to keep moving forward, even if we don’t have all the answers or when it we are actually given more than we can handle. She also reminds us how important it is for us to remain alert to the tactics of the one that wants to use our disappointments to keep us apart from God. This is all pointing to the reality that God is using our trials to prepare us from strength in this life and eternal peace in the next. This book is powerful, relevant, and honest. Although written out of her own personal experience, this book felt like it was written for me and my current struggles, which speaks to the talent of the author to relate to her audience. If you are going through trials or disappointments in your own life, I cannot recommend this book enough. It is the perfect companion to her last book, Uninvited. This book is available as of November 13. Get your copy today!

To read my review of Lysa's last book, Uninvited, click here
To read more about the circumstances that made this book so personal relevant, click here

​Ever since I met Bob Goff and read his first book, I could wait for another book by him. I was all the more excited when I was able to get onto the launch team for this book. Unfortunately, circumstances in my life prevented me from reading and reviewing the book until now. But in the end, I was glad that I waited. So many of the themes of this book came just at the time I needed to hear it. The recent circumstances in my life have made certain people more difficult to love than others. But Bob’s storytelling has an incredible ability to help you see past yourself in order to help you live your live the way that Jesus would. It was exactly the challenge I needed at the time I needed it. Bob’s first book is in many ways about loving God, which is the summary of the greatest commandment. This second book is about loving people, which is the second greatest commandment. Both books can stand alone, but they are all the more powerful together. I cannot recommend this book or Love Does enough ~ Bethel

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There are many people we encounter in our lives that are not easy to love. The reasons for our struggles with loving them is just a numerous. But at the end of the day, our greatest struggle is loving difficult people is learning to see past ourselves. The things that we need to do in order to show them love require us to step out of our comfort zone and take action. That is usually easier said than done. And unfortunately, most people don’t. We tend to push away those that need love most. This is the pattern set by the people around. It makes us ask the question: is there a way to love difficult people in our world today?

In his book, Everybody Always, Bob Goff uses his popular storytelling style to share personal stories that can help us learn to love those that seem impossible to love. Bob shares stories of many people in his life that taught him and challenged him, most of whom were difficult to love. Either by personality or by the circumstances, Bob found ways to show love to everyone. From a neighbor dying of cancer, to his limo driver, to a witch doctor, the variety of people Bob encounters is both entertaining and inspiring. He never really preaches, but shares truth from God’s Word as it is portrayed in the stories from his life. This in turn challenges and inspires us to not be hindered by the patterns of love based on restrictions or contracts. This gives hope for us to show love to everybody always. This book is great read that will inspire and challenge anyone that is willing to take its message to heart. If you liked Love Does, you definitely want to check out Everybody Always. Get your copy today!

​Note: A huge thank you to my launch team friend Bailey for paying for my copy of this book. She offered to help me get the book when I was unable to afford it at the time it came out. This act of kindness was very much a demonstration of the message this book is about. Thank you loving a person you’ve never met Bailey. I will always be grateful for you when I think about this book.

To check out my review of Bob’s first book, Love Does, and the story of how I met him, click here
To read more what’s been happening in my life this year, click here

​I was so excited when this book first came out. I had been a huge fan of Jon’s work with his YouTube channel (formerly the Anima Series, now under his name Jon Jorgenson). In the end, I was not disappointed. I love Jon’s relatable writing style that draws you in and inspires you to think beyond yourself. This book was one of my greatest motivation for getting going on this blog (since I read the book less than a month after I created it) as well as refocusing my YouTube channel to doing spoken word (which of much of his work on his YouTube channel). It’s true that a lot has changed in both my life and Jon’s life since this book came out. But I will never forget the best advice that this book (and Jon personally) gave me when it comes to creative pursuits is this: just start. Even if you don’t have all the answers. Even if you don’t have ideal resources. Don’t make excuses. Just get started with what you have right now and see where God takes it. I know without that advice, I wouldn’t be doing what I am doing online today. It’s currently one of my favorite resources on creativity. I even have one of few physical copies of the book he sold privately. If you are looking for creative inspiration or guidance, I cannot recommend this book enough ~ Bethel

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Creativity. It’s a word that at times is hard to grasp its full meaning. Many of us struggle to find inspiration and motivation to pursue the ideas we have that are unique. We worry that we don’t have the right resources, enough time, enough courage, and the list could go on. We allow that to keep us from sharing what’s on our hearts. In an age when we have more opportunities than ever before to share our creativity, too many of us are scared or ashamed to do so. This makes us question our ability to do something that is at the core of who God created us to be and makes it more difficult for us to live out our intended purpose. It makes us ask the question: how are we supposed to pursue creativity in our world today?

​In Jon Jorgenson’s e-book, Created to Create, he walks through a collection of blog posts written over the course of 2014 that are meant to help creatives walks through what it means to be creative in our world today. Over the course of that year he made a commitment to his fans that he would blog three days a week, and he kept faithful to that commitment, all while being an actor on Broadway. Being an artist and creative mind, he explores the thoughts about the call to create, the craft of creativity, the audience of our creative projects, and the One that gives us our creative abilities. It not divided into traditional chapters since it was derived from his blog posts, but it is still a powerful tool for those that want inspiration, guidance, or courage in pursuing the creative process. Jon speaks with a wisdom beyond his years as he gives a fresh perspective on a topic that is sometimes difficult to address. He speaks from his heart, and his passion for this subject is evident in every part of this book. There is so much to take in and challenge you in your creative pursuits. As a follower of Jon's work online, I think this book brings many of his messages together in a more cohesive way. I have been very inspired by what I have read and I would recommend this book to anyone that wants to pursue creativity. It’s available on Kindle on Amazon for only $0.99! Get your copy today! 

​When I first heard this book was coming out last year, I was so excited. The original book Secret Keeper for teens is one of my all-time favorite books and since the author Dannah had developed a ministry to tween girls, I figured that this book would come along eventually. I was very excited to buy it and read it. In the end, I was not disappointed. Dannah’s heart for helping young women understand their God-given power of modesty is evident on every page. But I really enjoyed getting to see the older material I was familiar with was adapted to a younger audience. She uses different illustrations and metaphors to speak to the younger girls. She has a little bit different line of logic to help them understand the motivation behind modesty. The devotional companion even includes a coloring experience. But the heart between all of these books remains the same, and that makes it an excellent resource to tween girls, their parents, and even their youth leaders. If you haven’t checked this out, then you should. ~ Bethel

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Modesty is a difficult concept to teach to young women in our world today. We are surrounded by a culture that tells us that when it comes to clothes, “less is more.” And this idea is being pushed upon us at a younger age than ever before. Even t-shirts for preschool girls are designed to accentuate a figure that they don’t even have yet. Girls are being convinced that they can wear whatever they want whenever they want, and if anyone restricts that, it’s infringing on their rights. It makes it difficult for those of us that want better for these girls. We struggle with how to communicate to them the importance of the way they present themselves. It makes us ask the question: how can we teach the importance of modesty to young girls today?

​In her book, Secret Keeper Girl, Dannah Gresh adapts her material on modesty for older teens and addresses it on the level for tween girls. In a book of fun illustrations, both in visual and written forms, Dannah helps the girls understand their value as a unique masterpiece created by God and they our understanding of how much God loves us should motivate our desire to dress modestly. She also talks about what makes a girl truly beautiful, not by what is on the outside, but what is on the inside. She addresses issues that so many parents struggle to talk about with their daughters, but she does so in a totally tasteful and age-appropriate way. She gives fashion tests to help girls determine if an outfit is appropriate. Dannah even shares examples are stories about girls their own age to make their journey more relatable. If you are a girl about 7-11, you want to ask for a copy of this book. If you are a parents of a tween girl, you need to get this book. Even if you are a youth leader, you need to check out this book. Girls and adults alike will be grateful with the help and perspective this book provides. Girls and their moms with also love the corresponding mother-daughter devotional guide, which includes a coloring experience and an awesome letter to the moms. I cannot recommend either of these books enough. Get your copies today!

(To check out my review of the teen edition of this book and its devotional guide, click here)